This is the Same Country I Grew Up In?

A few things in the news struck a chord today.

Firstly, the CBC has an article online regarding an ex-pat Salon owner in London. Right now she’s caught up in a case where she’s been accused of discrimination for not hiring a Muslim woman in a headscarf.

Now, I get her argument that, as a hairstylist in the salon, her employees should show off their styles. This kinda makes sense.

That being said, some of my best haircuts have been from old bald men.

Scarf or not, if the woman was qualified for the job, then it’s possible it could be taken as a discriminatory call.

Only time, and the courts, will tell.

Secondly, some dumbass on a Saskatoon-bound flight was arrested for carrying a pistol and ammunition in his carry-on luggage.

Yes, he was Muslim. No, I doubt it has any bearing on the incident.

What’s the common bond between these stories? The asinine comments being left in each thread.

‘Terrorist’ this, and ‘Stupid foreigner’ that. I’m half expecting little animated .gifs of burning crosses next! where did all of this stupidity racism come from? It’s certianly not how I was raised to see other people, and I thought I was a fairly average Canadian!

Seriously, is there something in the water here? If there is, I wanna know so I can get the hell out of the country before it gets me too!

I’ve been opposed to the open comments on the CBC news site since the beginning. It’s a NEWS site. I get that each person is entitled to their own opinion, but you know what? You’re not entitled to share that opinion with me (he says, on his blog).

Democracy is great and all, but intelligence is quite obviously not doled out in equal parts. It certainly doesn’t come with an internet connection.

Still, I’ve tried to hold my tongue. I thought, “hey, it’s Canada. Most of us are pretty reasonable, right?”

Wrong.

Ignorance truly was bliss. Once upon a time I could be happy in my belief that as a Nation we accept all comers, regardless. We were built on immigration! The Charter forever!

I’ve never been so wrong about anything in my life. And that truly saddens me.

You’re on my list.

Monday, I was at the local IGA on the weekly grocery run when, lo and behold, who should be there but Hayden Panettiere. that’s the Cheerleader from Heroes, for those of you who don’t read The Superficial.

(On a side note, whenever I see Hayden Panettiere’s last name, I can’t help but associate it with ‘Panties’. What this says about me as a human being is spurious at best, and it should be noted that the girlfriend just shakes her head sighs whenever I bring it up.)

So Monday was a nice day here, and I decided to live on the edge and go out in a t-shirt. Yes, pants were involved as well. I only needed that reminder once…

Okay so the pants were on, but they were on the lower side.

You know how it is. It’s just how I roll. Pair that with a shirt that seems to have shrunk in the wash, and I’m pretty sure Ms. Cheerleader – and everyone else in the Produce section – saw my Oilers boxers when I bent over to grab that bag of oranges.

What can I say. I love my team.

Now, I’m not saying anyone was really looking. Or that they’d care if they had seen the goods. Still, I could live with a legacy of being “That guy who creeped out the minor (as in, of little consequence – you sickos) celebrity.”

It got me to thinking. There are a lot of relatively big-named people that have to come through Vancouver to shoot TV shows or movies, and they seem to congregate in this neighborhood.

Chances are better than not that I’ll run into more of them at my grocery store in the future.

That being said, I’m now compiling a list of anyone and everyone who should experience the thrill ride that is my underwear.

Next up, Jessica Alba. 

Both Pugh boys might as well make her feel awkward.

Ideas are welcome in the comments section.

R. Kelly quote of the day

I’ll be damned if I pass up a quote like this (thanks to Bill Wyman’s blog here):

R. Kelly on love: “You come to appreciate love more when you in love. Just as you like cereal until you come to your favorite kind of cereal and then you can appreciate cereal even more now, you know?”

That folks, is a man who knows love. The love of a good cereal.

Oh, and the love of pissing in little girls’ mouths.

Definitely Don’t date these, ahem, ‘Women’

A quick perusal of some of the blogs I read dredged up a quick profile of some ‘Conservababes.’

Apparently, if you’re a guy who y’know, likes Rule of Law and a secular State, you’re weak. Weak and dumb.

Now, I won’t go into politics too much here, because I’m pretty sure people know my stance. Long story short: if the Liberals don’t call Stephen Harper on this confidence vote bullshit soon, I’ma challenge the smug little fuck to a cage match. Let’s see your God save you from these pythons!

Ultimately, it’s not the (stereotypically Right-wing) ignorance these women all share that bothers me. It’s their shared overabundance of confidence!

Frankly, what makes any of them think they’re all that hot to begin with?

To sate my own curiosity, I followed the link on over to Jezebel (if you’re gonna read a chick blog, this is the one). Here

My suspicions were confirmed. Woof.

Ladies? Thank you for depriving this bleeding heart of your company.

Fore!

Another early end to the Hockey season, as my Oilers were bumped from playoff contention last night.

All in all it was a good game, and both the Oiler and Flames played their hearts out. No complaints from me on that front.

I do take issue with a bit of the smack talk being thrown around at the Oil’s expense though.

Not to make excuses about this season’s outcome, it’s still uneducated crap at best to say the team doesn’t have a future. With the skill the younger players were showing this year, I think it’s safe to say that the next few seasons are looking pretty damned bright.

Gagner’s a future 50-goal scorer. You just wait and see.

As for anyone chirping on the payback Anaheim’s getting for the Penner deal, take a look at the numbers. Sure, we didn’t make the playoffs, but the draft pick they’re getting from us isn’t going to be nearly as high as it would’ve been had we blown the season.

Plus Penner’s coming into his own too. Well worth the trouble, I’d say.

Either way, it’s over for the season. I’m gonna get me some Oiler club cozies and hit the links.

Baby Whatnow!?

Ah, the Princess. Remember my little rant about her? Well she’s back and as crazy as ever!

Somehow, through dark arts no doubt, she tracked down my msn and decided to say hello in her own way.

This conversation just happened. I’ve removed the Princess’ email address and name. 

I’m a nice guy like that.

I have, however, kept her abominable grammar intact.

6:10:15 PM Crazy_Fucking_Princess: wanna b my babys dad
6:12:06 PM Bryce – “As far as efficient killing machines go, rappers are tied with domesticated ducks and songs about sunshine.”: who is this?
6:12:51 PM Crazy_Fucking_Princess: [redacted]

Honestly, it took me a few minutes to figure out how I should react. I mean, what does one say?

I think I figured that out though:

 
6:20:08 PM Bryce – “As far as efficient killing machines go, rappers are tied with domesticated ducks and songs about sunshine.”: 1.
6:20:34 PM Bryce – “As far as efficient killing machines go, rappers are tied with domesticated ducks and songs about sunshine.”: That’s crazy. Almost as batshit fucking insane as you are.
6:20:35 PM Bryce – “As far as efficient killing machines go, rappers are tied with domesticated ducks and songs about sunshine.”: 2.
6:20:41 PM Bryce – “As far as efficient killing machines go, rappers are tied with domesticated ducks and songs about sunshine.”: I’m blocking you now.

Okay, so maybe it was harsh. I prefer to call it ‘tough love.’

Actually, that’s a lie. There was no love involved.

Plenty of laughing, but no love.

One-eyed King, anyone?

Democracy scares me.

Not the idea of it, of course. But the reality of it keeps me up at night.

In particular, it’s the democratisation of our news sources.

I’m a huge news buff, and I constantly read and re-read the CBC and other news sites. If I had cable, I’d probably keep my TV on the news. When the Oilers aren’t playing. I honestly can’t get enough of it. I need to be informed about what’s happening in the world on any given day.

In that respect, I love how much faster news delivery has become. The internet lets me know about it while it’s happening.

What I don’t love is the ability for everyone and anyone to comment, on the same page as the reports.

I get it. To better parse and filter out the crap, we all have to ask questions. Discussing the news is what helps us understand the world from other view points. Hell, we even learn a thing or two about ourselves in the process.

Comment boards, however, are not roundtables. They’re not the intelligent discussion.

When I talk to someone, face-to-face, I have to listen to them. That’s how a rational conversation works. I may not agree with you, but I’ll hear you out.

Online, people say what they want, when they want. There’s no listening. You disagree with a comment? Easy, shout them down digitally.

We self censor, too.

If you don’t like a certain sites supposed bias, then you just avoid it, and similar sites. You stick to your own and become more entrenched. More cloistered.

I think this is one reason conspiracy theories (Loose Change, anyone?) gain so much ground online. When you don’t have to listen to an outside perspective, it’s easy to believe your own hype.

Yes, I realise the hubris in writing this on my own blog.

What’s worse? Read the comments. Never before has there been such a wasteland of the English language. I’m by no means immune to a typo here and there, but there’s no excuse for the shit-sorry state of grammar and spelling such as it is.

It’s not just the blind being led by the blind, they’re also illiterate mouth-breathers.

If that’s what democracy is, and if that’s our future, I want out.

Sometimes Different Sucks Too.

People all try to be different. I get it.

We all try to make out mark on this world in a way that is uniquely our own. Some people paint, or write. Other people snort tremendous amounts of coke while wearing American Apparel.

Me, I think I’ll be remembered as that guy who drinks too much coffee, and makes people laugh uncomfortably.

Dare to dream, right?

Sometimes though, it seems like people try just a little to hard to be different. In the end they just end up looking stupid (see above, ie. Coke and shitty clothing).

Still, today I think I saw the guy that tops it all.

He was commuting to work on a unicycle.

A unicycle.

See, there are some things in this world that automatically get you branded a douche and that’s one of them. Clowns ride unicycles, and Clowns are unquestionably in that group.

Now if I’d seen a clown riding a unicycle to work this morning, as douchey as that is, it would’ve made sense in some terrible way.

Not this guy though.

No, he was in full bike commuter gear. On his unicycle.

I won’t even get in to how much of an urge I’d have to run over a unicyclist. Seriously. If I’m driving, and you’re on one wheel, make peace with your maker, because you’re going under the car.

What frightens me is the two possibilities that leapt to the fore of my mind:

1) This guy actually thinks he’s unique and therefore cool. This is wrong on so many levels; or

2) The Clowns are finally beginning their uprising and he was one of the advance guard. A sort of Clown-commando, if you will.

Next come the hoards filing out of tiny cars.

I fucking hate Clowns.

Does This Look Racist?

So LeBron James is the third male to make it onto the cover of Vogue. Apparently the choice in imagery has been causing a bit of an uproar, and some people are calling it a racist stereotype.

1) I don’t follow Basketball, but I gather this guy’s good;

2) I also don’t read fashion mags, but I’ve got spare time, so I read blogs and the news these days.

There have been comparisons to this image and Kong Kong grabbing the girl, which opens up all of the ‘Monkey’ invective that was oh so popular when good ‘ol boys wore white sheets on a Friday night.

I just don’t see it.

Maybe it’s because I just wasn’t subjected to that crap when I was growing up, or maybe it’s because I don’t analyse every image I see for it’s racial, religious or sexual undertones.

Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, and covers like that are on all of the typical guy magazines.

I mean, it’s not a very good cover. It’s unoriginal, the layout’s poor, and there’s a complete disregard for the hierarchy of information (I’m a design nerd, sue me).

But it’s not racist.

Well Shit.

I have grey hair.

Not much yet, mind you, but enough that it’s a bit of a shock in the morning.

I think my hair had a conference while I was sleeping one night.

“Hey, jackass is getting closer to 30, let’s remind him!” some of the stands might have said.

“Yeah!” Others would have shouted, “that’ll really fuck him up!”

I’d like to think a handful might’ve objected, on the grounds that I’d blog about it, and they didn’t want to get dragged down into the muck.

To those few hairs, I aplogise.